November 29, 2011
THE REALITY TV MOVIE
Act 1: Bachelor Survivor dances with the stars after an amazing race, goes to celebrity hoarder rehab and gains a bunch of weight then loses it all.
Act 2: Bachelor Survivor sells all his hoarded shit to pawn shops and goes to live with swamp people who use their ice-trucker business to fund their ghost-hunting business.
Act 3: Bachelor Survivor is replaced by Ashton Kutcher.
by JEFF BAILEY and ANDREW J HICKS
art by ERIC DOHMAN
April 16, 2011
edited by ANDREW HICKS
WTF Facebook Friend #1
Thank you, Father God, for all my blessings and being able to see my baby even though my baby mama was trippin. Don’t forget, FB peeps: Ladies Night tonight! All u sexy bitches get in with no cover if you show your titties! Happy fifth birthday, Brianna! Daddy loves you!
WTF Facebook Friend #2
I really need to lose weight. I need motivation!
[NOTE: Friend #2 is checked in at Golden Corral. Alone.]
“Biggest Loser” finale is on tonight! WOOHOO! Note to self: Don’t forget to pick up that sheet cake. Mmm, cake…
WTF Facebook Friend #3
I love my kids sooooo much! Today, my daughter brought home the cutest finger painting! Fuck these kids! All they do is fucking eat, scream and shit!
[NOTE: Friend #2 and her "boo" are currently checked in at Margaritaville.]
W00t! Tequila, bitches! FYI: Amanda’s recital is at 8 am tomorrow. Open seating. Hope u can make it!
WTF Facebook Friend #4
I’m so tired of my stepmom bitching at me for drinking all the orange juice! My name was on it, bitch! 420 = jointnificent! Can somebody drive me to anger management tonight? Why is it I can never hold on to a girlfriend for more than 3 months?
WTF Facebook Friend #5
Why did this happen again? How can you say that? I’m at a loss! Why? When? Where? Who’s responsible for this?!
WTF Facebook Friend #6
Did you see the forecast? o m g! WEATHER! omg omg omg! WEATHER!
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