edited by ANDREW HICKS
“I ain’t no holla back girl!” -Helen Keller
Awhile back, somebody gave me some Fire & Ice enhancing lube. In those days, we called it “the clap.”
Money can’t buy you love, but you can buy it for yourself.
Every time I type “fucking” into my cellphone, it asks if I mean “sucking.” How THE HELL does it know I’m on my period?
I never trust a guy with a Kings of Leon ringtone.
Some men find me a little too crass. In all honesty, that’s a pretty fair assessment. I expect it. From a pussy.
Opinions are like assholes — sometimes there’s sucking involved.
I LOVE the feel of a warm body next to me as I sleep. But the downside is, it never lasts. They start smelling if you don’t ice them down.
I never trust a guy in a jean shirt.