Posts tagged ‘Justin Bieber’

November 15, 2011

Mullets, Fauxhawks and Bieber Lesbians

by KING MAB
edited by ANDREW HICKS

Lesbian hair photo collage assembled by Eric Dohman.

Remember when mullets were cool? Some of you might be old enough.There was a narrow window of history where business in the front/party in the back was not only tolerated but venerated. People weren’t making fun of Mel Gibson in the ’80s for his rocking hairstyle, nor were they taking jabs at Bono while he belted out “Sunday Bloody Sunday” while sporting the Camero Crash Helmet. In the ’80s, mullets weren’t a bad thing, they were totally BAD. And even though the poor, ignorant fuckers who purposefully fashion their hair into the Faded Glory are constantly, and rightfully, mocked, it wasn’t always so. Although it really does boggle the mind that hipsters are trying to bring it back — albeit ironically.

Now, you can tell when a popular hairstyle is on its way out when lesbians begin to wear it to identify themselves as lesbians. The same thing is happening right now with the fauxhawk. You can still go to meat-market clubs and bars to find guys sporting that abominable hairstyle, completely ignorant of the fact that the fauxhawk is the mullet of their generation.

November 4, 2011

Online Dating Profile Disqualifications

by JUSTIN OLOMON
edited by ANDREW J HICKS

Enjoys inflating heart-shaped balloons a little too much. Next!

I keep seeing other people’s posts about online dating, so I’m gonna go check out one of these matchmaking sites and see what kind of girls I can find.

*starts scrolling through profiles*

Okay, 25? Looks 50. Next!

Favorite book is Twilight. Next!

Favorite TV show is “Jersey Shore.” Next!

Single mother. Next!

Religious. Next!

Part of the 99%. Next!

Tea Partier. Next!

Too chubby. Next!

Too skinny. Next!

From Pekin, Ill. Next!

I (HEART) BIEBER! Next!

Looking for a tough man. Next!

Makes less than $20,000 a year. Next!

Luvs to paaartay hard in the name of Cthullu! Not sure what that means. Next!

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