November 15, 2011
by KING MAB
edited by ANDREW HICKS
Lesbian hair photo collage assembled by Eric Dohman.
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Remember when mullets were cool? Some of you might be old enough.There was a narrow window of history where business in the front/party in the back was not only tolerated but venerated. People weren’t making fun of Mel Gibson in the ’80s for his rocking hairstyle, nor were they taking jabs at Bono while he belted out “Sunday Bloody Sunday” while sporting the Camero Crash Helmet. In the ’80s, mullets weren’t a bad thing, they were totally BAD. And even though the poor, ignorant fuckers who purposefully fashion their hair into the Faded Glory are constantly, and rightfully, mocked, it wasn’t always so. Although it really does boggle the mind that hipsters are trying to bring it back — albeit ironically.
Now, you can tell when a popular hairstyle is on its way out when lesbians begin to wear it to identify themselves as lesbians. The same thing is happening right now with the fauxhawk. You can still go to meat-market clubs and bars to find guys sporting that abominable hairstyle, completely ignorant of the fact that the fauxhawk is the mullet of their generation.
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Posted in Pop Culture, Sex |
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June 20, 2011
by TONY FYLER
edited by ANDREW HICKS
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So where were you for the Rapture? Check this out for big hairy man-balls – not content with the whole “meeting Jesus in the clouds” thing, I got on a plane over the US and flew up to meet the dude at the Reality Turnpike.
Nothing. Nada. Not so much as a sacred sandal. Which leads me to a question: considering all the vast wealth accumulated by churches that follow the guy’s alleged teaching, has anyone thought about buying Jesus a really kickass alarm clock? Because he seems about as reliable as a twentysomething stoner after a major bong sesh. Hmm… note to self: contact Mel Gibson re: The Return of the Christ, starring Seth Rogen…
Dude, where's my apocalypse? DUDE!
Anyway, so there I was, thousands of feet in the clouds, waiting for His Nibs to make an appearance, and of course, abbbbbsolutely nothing happened. Well, technically, a couple of people tried to kill themselves or their loved ones (the logic of which is what, exactly? Avoiding the lines at the Pearly Gates?), but other than that, the world – just like Jesus – missed the memo that it was Game Over, and kept turning as previously advertised.
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Posted in Religion, Strictly Satire |
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January 27, 2011
by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS
- Got a hot Jesus you need to hide until the trail runs cold? Sounds like it’s time for… STASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- Opening his robe while in public… FLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- Dude’s got these sweet-ass gladiator sandals… FASHION OF THE CHRIST.
- He wore that belt with those robes? That’s some serious CLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- Big-booty Jesus… KARDASHIAN OF THE CHRIST.
- Divine special order at the medical marijuana dispensary? HASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- You can only get so much Jesus per day… RATION OF THE CHRIST.
- Jesus overcooked his steak. Chewing on that thing is gonna require some GNASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- I heard Jesus shaved off his beard. Yup, for the time being he’s just going with a little STACHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- Wild and wonderful Jesus of West Virginia… APPALACHIAN OF THE CHRIST.
- I don’t mind the walking on water thing, but I wish he’d stop kicking it in my face. I’m tired of the SPLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST!
- Jesus likes to get all the lumps out of his potatoes… MASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- The Jesus I grew up with was all HOOD, always talkin about bustin caps… BLASSIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- I always imagined when Jesus comes back it will be like a nuclear alarm sounding off… CLAXON OF THE CHRIST.
- Jesus was mostly a good kid, but he got a detention at school once for talking too much about himself in class… INFRACTION OF THE CHRIST.
- Jesus got a D in Driver’s Ed… CRASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- If Jesus took over the body of O.J… yes, SLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
- Mel Gibson made a movie once… CASH-IN OF THE CHRIST.
Posted in Compilation, Lists, Pop Culture |
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