by JUSTIN OLOMON
edited by ANDREW J HICKS
I keep seeing other people’s posts about online dating, so I’m gonna go check out one of these matchmaking sites and see what kind of girls I can find.
*starts scrolling through profiles*
Okay, 25? Looks 50. Next!
Favorite book is Twilight. Next!
Favorite TV show is “Jersey Shore.” Next!
Single mother. Next!
Part of the 99%. Next!
Tea Partier. Next!
Too chubby. Next!
Too skinny. Next!
From Pekin, Ill. Next!
I (HEART) BIEBER! Next!
Looking for a tough man. Next!
Makes less than $20,000 a year. Next!
Luvs to paaartay hard in the name of Cthullu! Not sure what that means. Next!