by CHRISTOPHER WOO
K3 recruitment drive starts at the top!
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LITTLE ROCK, ARK. – Today, the Klu Klux Klan announced that it will be going through a bit of an identity change. Spokesman John “Chilli” Mac issues this statement, “After some bit’a consideration, we come to think the youths of today don’t find us hip enough to join up with.”
Membership is down over 85 percent since 1995. Mac blames this on the rapid growth and popularity of the Internet.
“Seems with all the message boards and social media to express your views on, the kids today are much more independent racists. Hell, my own 10-year-old boy would rather shout racial slurs into his Xbox microphone than come to a meet-up,” Mac stated.
With these things in mind, the decision came to re-brand the Klan. It seemed a natural fit to give it a new name, in the style of a web 2.0 business.
“From here on out we’re to be known as ‘K3: The Klan.’ The kids love it, ‘cuz you can make a K and a 3 with your hands. My kids run around hollerin’ “K3 Represent” and tossin’ the K3 sign up all the time.” It seems the irony of the hip-hop ‘gangsta’ culture seeping into Klan life has gone over the head of Mr. Mac.
Along with the name change, K3 has realized its sense of fashion is seriously outdated. Mac says, “We discovered that wearing our bedsheets out, especially after Labor Day, is just not hip at all.”
Irvine, Calif., June 24, 2011 – Taco Bell® is calling out to those ready to celebrate, who want to be the “life of the party,” and has announced the launch of an experimental store combining its immensely popular “Late Night” menu with an extensive liquor selection. The new entity is to be open 24 hours a day and is to be marketed as, “Taco Liquors.”To combat the impending rebuttal and outrage from groups such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), Taco Liquors is creating a new “Pink Taco” menu. “A minimum of 25% of the proceeds from the Pink Taco Menu will go directly to breast cancer research.” said Roger Eaton, Chief Executive Officer. The Pink Taco Menu will include new specialties, all served on pink hard and soft shells such as the: Tuna Taco, Skirt Steak Enchilada, Roast Beef Burrito, Head Cheese Chalupa and Pork Pudding Taquitos.Along with traditional liquors, Chief Operating Officer for Yum! Brands, Inc. Emil Brolick stated that Taco Liquors plans on accentuating their line up with such specialties as: Cockburn’s Port, Drysack Liquors, Fat Ass Tequila, Crystal Head Vodka, Black Bush Whiskey and Beefeater London Dry Gin.
Initial stores are to be launched this October in selected areas. Those currently announced are: Bernal Heights in San Francisco, CA, West Village in NYC, NY and West Hollywood, CA.Taco Bell® Corp. (“Taco Bell®”), a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, Inc., (NYSE: YUM), is the nation’s leading Mexican-style quick service restaurant chain. Taco Bell® serves tacos, burritos, signature quesadillas, Grilled Stuft Burritos, nachos, and other specialty items such as Crunchwrap Supreme®, in addition to the Why Pay More® Value Menu. Taco Bell® serves more than 36.8 million consumers each week in nearly 5,600 restaurants in the U.S.
by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
by ERIC DOHMAN and ANDREW HICKS
insufficient disability compensation, and a Billy Ray Cyrus album titled, 
